Gulliver's Travels

I am told it is through that which challenges us that we grow...well, I'm feeling like a giant these days...more challenge than I want but I'm willing to grow if it will dwarf the Goliaths I've encountered lately.  Looking to find my Lilliput and live large!

Don't Take My Words ( Complex Migraine - TIA continued)

With eyes closed, the horror continues, the numbness travels and the breathing becomes more labored and frantic. My heart races and I can feel each pulsing course, as it booms through my left side, and then an erratic flutter or jump or something that disrupts the thunderous throbbing.  After a searing pain on my left side of my upper back, my shoulder goes dead...squeeze and release, squeeze and release and waves of heightened intensity ebb and flow leaving me over sensitised and then nothing.  I am asked a question and then it happens, mid sentence the words are sucked from my mouth and for a moment I can not speak.  I hyperventilate and gasp for breath, thinking, DON'T TAKE MY WORDS, and by some grace of GOD, they are given back, but the realization that I may lose them terrifies me.  I am asked to sit up and it takes every ounce of strength to get myself upright.  My body convulses and trembles like a tree losing it leaves during a hurricane.  I can not stop the shaking, but the headache subsides for a brief moment and then it throbs back and the entire flush occurs again, but the numbness comes and goes.  I am still holding on to some feeling on my left side, but it disappears and resurfaces on it's own terms.  I am given oxygen and an IV and it helps calm me down.  The breathing returns to normal and the numbness is now just in my fingers, I continue to squeeze and release believing it is making a difference.  The fear begins to slip away and I start to feel better, almost normal and quite silly for panicking so fiercely, but the episode repeats and subsides in waves of intensity.  When the swell begins, it is the whole build up all over again, and then it surges and dies down.  When all has stopped, I am left to feel foolish and almost embarrassed by my over reaction, but then it returns delivering a new dead zone, my face, my neck, my throat and the fear returns.  Intervals of ear issues accompany the ordeal, some replicate entire pressure, as though I am submerged under water, others are sharp pains in my ear, teeth and somewhere in my head.  Throbbing is present in various parts of my body, my head, my left arm, my neck and my chest and then it subsides to minimal coursing and as I wait, I bounce between thinking this is serious, to this is nothing but a head ache.  It is the most conflicting experience I have ever endured and when I am told this is either a mini stroke or a complex migraine, I have never, in my life, prayed for a migraine more intently.

Complex Migraine or TIA?

It began with pulsating intensity, a throbbing head, to the  point I believed it was visible  and producing a bobbing head atop my shoulders.  I must lie down, my only thought.  Once prone, the pressure intensifies, I am unable to move, nausea arrives and then the motion, violent spinning and swirling much like an amusement park ride, but utterly alarming. I tremble even as I write this, reliving the horror.  Strobe lights join the frenzy, rapid flashes burn my closed eyes.  A rush of cool heat floods my head.  The hair stands on end, sharp enough to pierce my pillow and then a flush of, Novocaine like numb, starts to wave through the back of my head.  My fingertips on my left side feel the pin pricks my head encountered first and then the numbness spreads up my hand to my forearm.  I am the recipient of intermittent pins and needles alternating with numbness.  I clench my fist and as I clench and release my left hand, it strikes me.  I am having a stroke, but wait I can't have a stroke, I won't let this happen, I refuse to accept my fate.  The clenching and releasing continues and I realize it mirrors what is running through my mind.  I am grasping and clawing to hold on to my life as it has always been.  Rapid breathing overwhelms me and I am struggling to stay conscious, to remain aware, to simply stay.  No matter how much I try to alter what is happening, this is beyond my control.  I can not stop this, I have no power, I am weak, numb and powerless.  Is this really happening, or am I dreaming and I'll awaken from the nightmare, once this excruciating headache stops pounding out it's mantra.  Strobe lights, dizzy, weak and I'm scared, keep the eyes closed, this is not really happening....

Smothering Amelioration

Accepting our own shortcomings is a prerequisite for a breakthrough toward extensive enhancement,
If we refuse to see our flaws, then we are nothing but a stubborn fool, smothering amelioration

Over the Top- Under the Radar

I have always been one of those people that has a slight affinity for individualism.  I love to be different than the masses, but there is a delicate balance between standing out and being odd, the later of which has no appeal to me.  In order to make an impact, I find myself a tiny bit obsessed with creativity and I may be guilty of going a little bit over the top.  This only happens when I find myself  directing a project or predominantly in control of the end result.  I am not one to take over and dictate, but I am one to volunteer when I feel I have the creative drive to generate something impactful. Everything I do becomes, to some extent, a personal extension of myself, yet I  am not comfortable being the center of attention.  If I sprinkle each event with just enough of a twist, it allows me to stand out for a brief moment and then recede back into obscurity.  It gives me a sense of achievement while also allowing me to keep my image nebulous.  A rather interesting dynamic, flamboyant  flare flying under the radar.  It's a balancing act and lately I've had a great deal of time to think about how crucial balance is in our lives.  Perfecting equipoise however it strikes me.

Echo

Be an echo ~ spread and touch the world

Shoe Challenge

Meeting a challenge is like finding the perfect pair of shoes 

                                                                                  ~ you still have to master the walk