The initial response to change..... fear of the unknown, resistance and pause
The second response to change.... anxiety, anticipation and enthusiasm
The ultimate benefit from change.... the growth that results from the progression
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Grey Hare
At what point do I stop? When is it time to come to grips with who I am? When will I accept my shortcomings, my lack of initiative and drive to "appear" a certain way? When will I have the strength to let nature run it's course without feeling as though I need to present a false facade? I am a mature adult who no longer needs the mirrors' reflection to portray something I wish I was. I've spent the better part of my life wishing for a thinner body, better teeth and vibrant hair. What I've lost in my pursuit for superficial splendor is the person I am.
I am proud of my ability to run down tennis balls on a singles court. I like the fact that I spend more time thinking, than I do watching. I love the fact that my favorite book is a thesaurus! I am deeply affected by that which affects others, so much so, that I often can't sleep until I process my feelings through words. The color of my hair should not represent anything more than what it is. Yes, my hair has develpoed a grey aura, but it merely means I've aged, as we all do. The ritualistic coloring of my hair, does not make me any younger. It actually ages me more. It has become one more appointment I need to maintain and with increasing regularity. It has begun to impinge on my free time, giving me less time for "me" and more time requiring me to become something I am not.
I'd much rather spend more time running on a tennis court than having my hair colored, so from now on...I'm happy to be a grey hare!
I am proud of my ability to run down tennis balls on a singles court. I like the fact that I spend more time thinking, than I do watching. I love the fact that my favorite book is a thesaurus! I am deeply affected by that which affects others, so much so, that I often can't sleep until I process my feelings through words. The color of my hair should not represent anything more than what it is. Yes, my hair has develpoed a grey aura, but it merely means I've aged, as we all do. The ritualistic coloring of my hair, does not make me any younger. It actually ages me more. It has become one more appointment I need to maintain and with increasing regularity. It has begun to impinge on my free time, giving me less time for "me" and more time requiring me to become something I am not.
I'd much rather spend more time running on a tennis court than having my hair colored, so from now on...I'm happy to be a grey hare!
Friday, June 11, 2010
6/11/10 It is time
I found out something today
Something I wish I didn't know
but I needed to know
Something that does not sit well
Something that is senseless and sad
like so much of life
Something that forces me to think
of purpose, initiative, productivity and value
of the people I know and what drives each of us
of what it will be like
for so many of us
when things are different, strained, altered and ultimately
gone
what will it be like...
A presence that will soon be gone
a presence that affects me only, slighty
but enormously at the same time
A casual aquiantance that makes me smile
despite the battle she faces every day
a person seen infrequently,
but those random visits, however brief
linger interminably
Terminal and interminable
so similar in sound, yet
extreme opposites in meaning
It is the finality of the terminal
that brings me interminable inspiration
I was once told to write a letter
to someone who has had an impact on me
and send it to them
this someone, has no idea how profoundly she has stirred me
and it is time to write that letter
Something I wish I didn't know
but I needed to know
Something that does not sit well
Something that is senseless and sad
like so much of life
Something that forces me to think
of purpose, initiative, productivity and value
of the people I know and what drives each of us
of what it will be like
for so many of us
when things are different, strained, altered and ultimately
gone
what will it be like...
A presence that will soon be gone
a presence that affects me only, slighty
but enormously at the same time
A casual aquiantance that makes me smile
despite the battle she faces every day
a person seen infrequently,
but those random visits, however brief
linger interminably
Terminal and interminable
so similar in sound, yet
extreme opposites in meaning
It is the finality of the terminal
that brings me interminable inspiration
I was once told to write a letter
to someone who has had an impact on me
and send it to them
this someone, has no idea how profoundly she has stirred me
and it is time to write that letter
Sunday, June 6, 2010
I'm back
I've been away for quite a while but many things have occupied my mind these past two months. I have come to realize that the young are plagued with adult pressures, adults face death on a daily basis, tennis has saved two lives that I know of, and the impact one person can have on a population is never realized until that person is gone.
An eighth grade student is hospitalized after her blood pressure drops to a dangerously low level. The culprit...anorexia. How does a 13 year old develop such a horrendously paralyzing disease? Is the pre-teen population so jaded that they can push a slighty overweight child to the brink of death with condescending comments that linger in a young girls mind and leave her with no alternative but starvation? These children have given her an insecurity that may take her life. She struggles with this illness daily, having to make intermitten stops at guidance so they can observe her eating. The entire school knows of her affliction and can not possibly comprehend, what it is like, to intentionally harm yourself until you are on the brink of death and still not realize you are out of control. Ironically, control is the one thing she thinks she has! If this is her life at thirteen, what will she know as a teenager or young adult?
Adults face death on a daily basis and become hardened to it's hold on life. I have seen so many people who battle their own looming death with ferocity and vigilance. This is their monthly, weekly, daily routine and they have lived it for so long they do not know any differently. For those that love and care for them, it is a battle that can not be fought by anyone else but the victim, yet they feel the weight and pain of the ordeal as though they were enduring it themselves. Their helplessness is their affliction and they, like their loved one, can do nothing to alter the course of the illness. They proceed with caution and apprehension, until the ordeal becomes such a routine part of their lives, that onlookers can not comprehend how they can maintain such balance and appreciation, when faced with such overwhelming difficulty.
A year and a half ago, tennis saved my life and once again, this year, I was a first hand witness to tennis saving a friends life. A year and a half ago, it was my tennis friends that talked me into going to the doctors for my abdominal pain. What would have happened had I not been playing tennis is unknown, but I do know it was my drive to get back on the court that forced my hand into a doctor's visit that uncovered my ovarian cancer. The silent cancer that so often goes unnoticed until it is too far gone. I thank God I went to the doctors when I did! Just one month ago, at tennis practice, a teammate experienced some unusual symtoms while at practice. In a matter of minutes, she went from serving a tennis ball to nearly collapsing on the court. Luckily, teammates noticed something unusual and her partner caught her before she collapsed. The severity of her condition worsened dramatically. EMTs were called and they quickly took her to the hospital. Her screams of head pain as she left still resonate in my mind. She had an aneurysm on the court during our team practice. We all thank God she was with us when it happened as we have all come to find out only 20% of the people who suffer aneurysms survive. She was so fortunate to be with us when it happened. Had she been alone, she probably would have died.
A fellow co-worker passed away last week and left an entire gym feeling his abscence. He was a facility worker with downs syndrome. He was the mayor of the club, always there with a smile and a sly grin. I'll never forget one of the first times I met him, he was working with a personal trainer to get his health under control. He would ask all of us at the front desk to get him a donut or a cookie or candy, and then if his trainer saw him, he'd say it was ours. It was a daily ritual for him to stop at the front desk and chat with us. Always calling us gorgeous or sweety. He shocked us when he went on a date and told us how he "made out" on the deck after dinner!!! Members and workers were all touched by Jack. He loved life, people and having fun. He brightened so many lives with his pleasant demeanor and personable ways. He welcomed anyone with the same enthusiasm and joy. He truly loved life and the people he met living his life the only way he knew how, with an open heart and an innocent humor that could brigten even the darkest day. He is gravely missed by more people than he will ever know and his persona made the "Y" a better experience for all of us who knew him.
One can only hope to leave the same kind of indelible, optimism and joy behind for those we have touched with our arms out-stretched, our eyes sincere and our hearts our open, offering.
An eighth grade student is hospitalized after her blood pressure drops to a dangerously low level. The culprit...anorexia. How does a 13 year old develop such a horrendously paralyzing disease? Is the pre-teen population so jaded that they can push a slighty overweight child to the brink of death with condescending comments that linger in a young girls mind and leave her with no alternative but starvation? These children have given her an insecurity that may take her life. She struggles with this illness daily, having to make intermitten stops at guidance so they can observe her eating. The entire school knows of her affliction and can not possibly comprehend, what it is like, to intentionally harm yourself until you are on the brink of death and still not realize you are out of control. Ironically, control is the one thing she thinks she has! If this is her life at thirteen, what will she know as a teenager or young adult?
Adults face death on a daily basis and become hardened to it's hold on life. I have seen so many people who battle their own looming death with ferocity and vigilance. This is their monthly, weekly, daily routine and they have lived it for so long they do not know any differently. For those that love and care for them, it is a battle that can not be fought by anyone else but the victim, yet they feel the weight and pain of the ordeal as though they were enduring it themselves. Their helplessness is their affliction and they, like their loved one, can do nothing to alter the course of the illness. They proceed with caution and apprehension, until the ordeal becomes such a routine part of their lives, that onlookers can not comprehend how they can maintain such balance and appreciation, when faced with such overwhelming difficulty.
A year and a half ago, tennis saved my life and once again, this year, I was a first hand witness to tennis saving a friends life. A year and a half ago, it was my tennis friends that talked me into going to the doctors for my abdominal pain. What would have happened had I not been playing tennis is unknown, but I do know it was my drive to get back on the court that forced my hand into a doctor's visit that uncovered my ovarian cancer. The silent cancer that so often goes unnoticed until it is too far gone. I thank God I went to the doctors when I did! Just one month ago, at tennis practice, a teammate experienced some unusual symtoms while at practice. In a matter of minutes, she went from serving a tennis ball to nearly collapsing on the court. Luckily, teammates noticed something unusual and her partner caught her before she collapsed. The severity of her condition worsened dramatically. EMTs were called and they quickly took her to the hospital. Her screams of head pain as she left still resonate in my mind. She had an aneurysm on the court during our team practice. We all thank God she was with us when it happened as we have all come to find out only 20% of the people who suffer aneurysms survive. She was so fortunate to be with us when it happened. Had she been alone, she probably would have died.
A fellow co-worker passed away last week and left an entire gym feeling his abscence. He was a facility worker with downs syndrome. He was the mayor of the club, always there with a smile and a sly grin. I'll never forget one of the first times I met him, he was working with a personal trainer to get his health under control. He would ask all of us at the front desk to get him a donut or a cookie or candy, and then if his trainer saw him, he'd say it was ours. It was a daily ritual for him to stop at the front desk and chat with us. Always calling us gorgeous or sweety. He shocked us when he went on a date and told us how he "made out" on the deck after dinner!!! Members and workers were all touched by Jack. He loved life, people and having fun. He brightened so many lives with his pleasant demeanor and personable ways. He welcomed anyone with the same enthusiasm and joy. He truly loved life and the people he met living his life the only way he knew how, with an open heart and an innocent humor that could brigten even the darkest day. He is gravely missed by more people than he will ever know and his persona made the "Y" a better experience for all of us who knew him.
One can only hope to leave the same kind of indelible, optimism and joy behind for those we have touched with our arms out-stretched, our eyes sincere and our hearts our open, offering.
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