11/2/10- Shake The Cake

I took Stella to Nelson Forest today.  That sounds so intriguing, a forest in Marshfield and it was spectacular.  Perfectly crisp and as I walked I was able to relfect on my previous day.  Sometimes I take myself so seriously and why?  Is there anything that should shroud my mood to the point of frustration and anger?  No!!!  I need to lighten up, accept what is my present situation and either affect change or move on.  Yes I am heavier than I would like to be but does it mean so much to me that I should hate myself every day. I can despise the excess that rolls over my midsection but it does not mean I need to hate everything and everyone that comes across my path, bumping them out of the way with the flab that acts as my rubberized repellant.  This extra baggage has it's advantages.  It keeps me warmer than my skinny counterparts. If I were to get lost in this forest I would have plenty to live off for a long, long time!  At times I can package it so tighly, that it actually looks like muscle and I can intimidate others with my power.  I am what I am. a slightly over weight, middle aged woman that tries her best to get some exercise everyday.  I can push myself harder than most when it comes to physicality, but put chocolate in my face and I melt into the butterball that I truly am. I've always loved sweets and I've always struggled with my weight.  There have been occassions when I've altered my ways and lost the cravings and the corpulent bounty that is my body, only to be bounced back to the penalty line.  Soon I find excess eeking back pound by pound.  This re-emergence of my prior self is a slow progression and I always think, what's a pound or two, I still look good.  I can still pull this off.  I'm still less than my most, better than my worst, and smaller than some, so a pound or two is really nothing and if I wanted to I could shake that off with a rigorous run or few extra sit ups.  I'm good, I still look good.  Just when I start feeling extra confident, and people start commenting (and they always seem to comment about how good you look after you regain a few pounds), the two pounds becomes three.  I'm still okay, after all, I'm still getting compliments so I guess they can't see the three pounds, but if it gets to be four or five pounds, then I'll be sure and get back on the treadmill, full tilt.  I can shake this off with one good day of healthy eating, no snacks and the weight will be gone and as soon as I say four or five pounds, they appear, as simple as that!!!  I do not feel the need to go pound by pound and explain the mind set. suffice it to say, it is more of the same aformentioned mentality that continues to surface just as the circumference of a new, more expansive body part spreads it's mess and invades my slendor space.  For me, this does not happen over night.  It is a slow incremental inching of about two and a half pounds per year.  No need for me to qualify that with the number of years, but let's just say, it's been a few, but far to many!!  I've spent the past, "few" years settling, but with unease.  I still think I can shake the cake habit and re-emerge as the ripped, slim, hotty I thought I was a "few" years back but today I realized this could be a full time job for me and I'm not sure I want to work full time.  Perhaps part time is much more my style and most definitely, my speed.  I'm not abbreviating my goal, I'm just lengthening my time, afterall, I do have a lot more girth to grind and I'll start full tilt, tomorrow!