Rotten Fruit???

Do you ever wonder why some days , when you work out, you smell worse than other days? Does the odor one eminates', directly correlate to their disposition, because today I smelled like rotten fruit, both during and after my workout, and to be quite honest, it was worse that rotten fruit, it was rancid, sour grapes. If you didn't read yesterday's blog, I'll save you the trouble, it was bitter. I have to think I needed to expel my distemper and as I blew off steam with a rigorous ride, my spoiled mood began to slide. My pent up anger bubbled up and boiled over, escaping through my pores, cleansing my mind and ridding my body of the toxic waste. My apologies to anyone who was forced to endure my offensive odor but I do believe it's gone now. Tomorrow I should be smelling just peachy!!

Forced My Hand To Save My Face

If I leave and must move on
Will others wonder where I've gone
Will smiles spread with stories shared

I hope they know I really cared

And should you see me further on
Just know that I am no one's pawn
I am as real as I portrayed

And had you seen this, I'd have stayed

I did not want to leave this place
But forced my hand to save my face
Unfairness always ends the run

I won't regret what I have done

Not tonight

A sour stomach and a pained brain
A sore calf have left me drained

nitey night Blog

Taking down the Lights

Yes, I took down my outside holiday lights today and I was ready for the task. There is something about cleaning up and moving on that makes me feel accomplished and accomplishment was something I needed today. After the holday week where I spent far too much time dipping in the chocolates, drinking in the spirits and sinking in the sofa, I needed to snap myself out of the slotherly lifesytle I had assumed. Productivity was my only goal and as the day began I was in fear of skirting my only assignment for the day..."To do SOMETHING". Any slight diversion down the wrong path could quickly send me back to the clink of yet another wine glass. I was tested very early on in the day, as I was slated to play tennis for two hours, but 40 minutes in my calf gave out to the added weight I was asking it to carry across the court. One more lunge for a ball and a pop was sure to ensue. Determined to stay on task and not falter for a forkful of fat. I left the court but hit the bike , finding safety in the mere fact that the bike does not require any weight bearing strain on my now soft and feeble extremities. I rode till I dripped and then rode some more, as I hammered out a challenging Sudoku puzzle. The simplest things can make me feel smart. After an intensive stretching session, I was one my way home, but not before I glanced at the courts with envy. If only I hadn't let myself go over the past week, I'd be out there swinging away the weight I'd gained. Damn that donut maker that drew me in. This is when it occured to me, if I clean up what's passed, my future will be brighter, so down came the outside lights, boxed up and put away, along with the bad habits I had acquired, shut off, just like me, ahhhhhh, the symbolism.

New Year~New Gear

Alright, it is the first day of the New Year and I'm on a mission. I have goals and aspirations, nothing too aggressive, but a challenge for myself none the less. I have had plenty of time to think and contemplate my past fourty-nine years. With all that I have endured thus far, it is my hope that 2012 will bring an array of opportunity. A plethora of experiences and endeavors that make me more of the person I want to be. Suprisingly, this has less to do with my outward size and shape and more to do with how I choose to shape my life going forward. The extent and depth of my experiences shall grow with each year of my age and I will not care if my waist size grows in unison. I will no longer be a victim of societies expectations. I will be a true and complete representation of what I want to be. I will expand and enjoy all that brings me pleasure. My family and friends will no longer take a back seat to chores and unneccessary chatter that consumed the shallow and insecure person I was at one time. I will tell people that I care about, that I think of them often and I will do this with regular personal interaction. I will act on thoughts as they occur to me and not "wait until I have more time". The only time I have is now and that is my new years motto. New Year~New Gear, let's kick it up and drive!!!

Happy New Year everyone

10/11/11 Flash in the Bucket

(click on the title to see the video)

Have you ever been a part of something totally random yet perfectly planned, something ridiculously fun and frivolous, yet within the realm of the experience, you find immense personal satisfaction?  Have you ever done something, and only after the fact realized the true extent of the event. 
Well, this past weekend, I had just such an experience.  I took part in a Flash Mob.  Yes, a Flash Mob and while I wiggled and kicked, swung and jived, I had no idea just how much this dance would impact my state of mind.  I've actually delved into the bucket, and kicked off my list, starting the journey of adventures I would like to experience before I kick my own bucket.  I always thought, when you start acting on your list, the end would be near and because of this, I've never actually started a list.  The thought of my own immortality was never terribly appealing.  I tried to avoid things that would take me toward that path, but the list is less about my impending end and more about envigorating my present.  It is oddly humorous that taking part in a mass dance would get me thinking along these lines, but I can not describe the pure joy I got out of being a participant in the frenzy.  It was totally madcap and fun, for the spectators and dancers alike.  For that brief moment,  I did something I've always craved but never dared to admit I desired. For that small space in time, I was a small participant in a larger plan.  I got to share and experience the fun with my daughter and my son.  If you look closely at the video you'll see tiny snippets of us.  Yes, I was there, I took part and I got to leave knowing, that for that one day, I didn't walk away saying, 'I wish I had".  I swung into action, and with "Moves Like Jagger", I was a performer who made people smile.

9/13/11 "Foggin Blog"

My life these days has been a jumble of unpleasant,uncontrollable factors that leave me mentally exhausted.  I am unable to gather my thoughts and write and this is unsettling.  I am a pensive person who hides behind a blog, sharing my every thought, insecurity, failure and insight with the assistance of my keyboard, yet, if you were to see me in person, I would not dare speak of anything but good fortune. 
I am the fallacy of optimism...I may look bright and sunny but I'm burning inside.
All of my creative, instinctive writing has vanished.  It is an excruciating effort to find words, form thoughts, and produce anything but a rolling fog,
and so...this is my Foggin Blog.

What was once an outlet is now an inlet,

bottlenecked, jammed, and still

But the current churns beneath

Will it be a rip tide

Or a tsunami