Fingers Crossed

With fingers crossed upon my heart
I pray that pain will soon depart
and peace and pleasure come to one
whose grace and poise supplies the sun
with warmth and brilliance touching all
who coincide with her windfall
an inspiration shining bright
lets gather prayers and all unite

Steps to Reality

If we don't speak it - reality is silent

              If we ignore it - reality is overlooked

                                   If we avoid it - reality is evasive

                                             If we don't accept it - reality is elusive

                                                                        If we don't see it - reality is blind

                                                                               Regardless of what we do - reality prevails

Angry Eight

If 

anger were 

a number it would 

be 8, twisting and 

turning,entwining 

itself around, 

until 

it 

strangles
it's victim, leaving
a separation of two
distinct fragments,
still attached and
lightly touching
yet sharing
zero

Feather Moor

Faith is the quietus that feathers the anchor from the moor

When we believe, we are at our best

Gulliver's Travels

I am told it is through that which challenges us that we grow...well, I'm feeling like a giant these days...more challenge than I want but I'm willing to grow if it will dwarf the Goliaths I've encountered lately.  Looking to find my Lilliput and live large!

Don't Take My Words ( Complex Migraine - TIA continued)

With eyes closed, the horror continues, the numbness travels and the breathing becomes more labored and frantic. My heart races and I can feel each pulsing course, as it booms through my left side, and then an erratic flutter or jump or something that disrupts the thunderous throbbing.  After a searing pain on my left side of my upper back, my shoulder goes dead...squeeze and release, squeeze and release and waves of heightened intensity ebb and flow leaving me over sensitised and then nothing.  I am asked a question and then it happens, mid sentence the words are sucked from my mouth and for a moment I can not speak.  I hyperventilate and gasp for breath, thinking, DON'T TAKE MY WORDS, and by some grace of GOD, they are given back, but the realization that I may lose them terrifies me.  I am asked to sit up and it takes every ounce of strength to get myself upright.  My body convulses and trembles like a tree losing it leaves during a hurricane.  I can not stop the shaking, but the headache subsides for a brief moment and then it throbs back and the entire flush occurs again, but the numbness comes and goes.  I am still holding on to some feeling on my left side, but it disappears and resurfaces on it's own terms.  I am given oxygen and an IV and it helps calm me down.  The breathing returns to normal and the numbness is now just in my fingers, I continue to squeeze and release believing it is making a difference.  The fear begins to slip away and I start to feel better, almost normal and quite silly for panicking so fiercely, but the episode repeats and subsides in waves of intensity.  When the swell begins, it is the whole build up all over again, and then it surges and dies down.  When all has stopped, I am left to feel foolish and almost embarrassed by my over reaction, but then it returns delivering a new dead zone, my face, my neck, my throat and the fear returns.  Intervals of ear issues accompany the ordeal, some replicate entire pressure, as though I am submerged under water, others are sharp pains in my ear, teeth and somewhere in my head.  Throbbing is present in various parts of my body, my head, my left arm, my neck and my chest and then it subsides to minimal coursing and as I wait, I bounce between thinking this is serious, to this is nothing but a head ache.  It is the most conflicting experience I have ever endured and when I am told this is either a mini stroke or a complex migraine, I have never, in my life, prayed for a migraine more intently.

Complex Migraine or TIA?

It began with pulsating intensity, a throbbing head, to the  point I believed it was visible  and producing a bobbing head atop my shoulders.  I must lie down, my only thought.  Once prone, the pressure intensifies, I am unable to move, nausea arrives and then the motion, violent spinning and swirling much like an amusement park ride, but utterly alarming. I tremble even as I write this, reliving the horror.  Strobe lights join the frenzy, rapid flashes burn my closed eyes.  A rush of cool heat floods my head.  The hair stands on end, sharp enough to pierce my pillow and then a flush of, Novocaine like numb, starts to wave through the back of my head.  My fingertips on my left side feel the pin pricks my head encountered first and then the numbness spreads up my hand to my forearm.  I am the recipient of intermittent pins and needles alternating with numbness.  I clench my fist and as I clench and release my left hand, it strikes me.  I am having a stroke, but wait I can't have a stroke, I won't let this happen, I refuse to accept my fate.  The clenching and releasing continues and I realize it mirrors what is running through my mind.  I am grasping and clawing to hold on to my life as it has always been.  Rapid breathing overwhelms me and I am struggling to stay conscious, to remain aware, to simply stay.  No matter how much I try to alter what is happening, this is beyond my control.  I can not stop this, I have no power, I am weak, numb and powerless.  Is this really happening, or am I dreaming and I'll awaken from the nightmare, once this excruciating headache stops pounding out it's mantra.  Strobe lights, dizzy, weak and I'm scared, keep the eyes closed, this is not really happening....