Snappy Dresser

I had a discussion with a friend today that was rather amusing.  It was of course about our current state of age and how we see things progressing.  To my shock, my friend openly and quite sprightly admitted to growing an appreciation for elastic waist pants.  (Its okay, you can laugh.  I am still laughing about it. ) She even qualified her comment with a most assured distinction between the cheap ones found at KMart and the nicer ones from Sears.  I'm so glad this is one topic we don't see eye to eye on.  It is so very hard to believe that the day of the elastic might be here in a snap, for me and my similarly aged friends.  If others are discussing their comfort potential and ease of wear, I could be the next victim.  That is how trends start isn't it, one person wears something and if they can pull it off with confidence, a trend is born, a fashion ignited.  Soon we'll all be scouting out the seersucker, poly blend that bends and gives with every movement.  It's funny, if you look up elastic in the dictionary it says resilience.  I guess if our own bodies don't have it anymore, why not strap it on and say we have it?
 Zip up cardigans will be next, followed by winter coats until mid July.  Practicality will be my new mantra and if I am being honest, it already has taken over in many regards.  The high heel shoes have long been replaced in my closet. A nice flat slipper like shoe can look just as nice with the dresses I've been wearing. Those Dr Scholl orthotics don't fit in those narrow toes, so give me a nice wide toe box and I am a comfort maven, complete and covered, head to toe.  No cleavage for me, it no longer looks like anything anyone would want to see and actually might be a tad repulsive.  I don't even want to get started on the view from the back, but I'll do it just because it is really funny!!!  Have you ever really looked at an elephant's butt?  You know, minus the tail?  You know how it's kind of flat but rough and wrinkly? Yes, it looks just like that... absolutely no dimension other than wide.  No bubble butt or firm muscle mass. Just flat as a pile of pancakes, staggered, so you get the sagging rippled effect.  You put pants on that and no amount of elastic or other accompaniment is going to make that look good.  Dresses and skirts can be a bit more flattering as long as the tops are nice and loose.  I have caught myself in a top that is too tight and boy is it alarming.  If  you have ever tried to pour something from a large bottle into a smaller one, like liquid soap, you know what I mean.  If you aren't careful, you either over fill it or the larger container doesn't quite fit over the smaller one and you get seepage?  Well, that's the look exactly.  Ripples of excess tumble down the sides.  That would be me from the back, in anything that has any amount of cling.  All in all, not to stellar but I am past middle age, so it is all the natural order of things.  I have grown used to my appearance and I am okay with it.  I cover what I can in the least offensive way.
I have transitioned part way into the realm of elderly fashion.  I no longer try to look attractive.  I am happy if I go unnoticed because there is really nothing I would want anyone to take note of.  I am thrilled  if I don't pop a button or find a new roll that I now have to hide.  My clothing objectives have moved from showing it to stowing it and zipper pull has an entirely different meaning to me.  If the seams scream and the skin gets caught, that might mean it's time to give in to the give of elastic but until then I'll keep it undercover, as best an elephant with seepage can.