Bringing Up the Rear

It is the first day of the new year and I have been contemplating my resolutions all day.  I am no different than the mass majority that strives to be better, lose weight, accomplish more and venture out of my comfort zone, yet unlike the masses, I do not want to set myself up for another failed attempt and so, I have unearthed what might be my most brilliant idea, since I started writing this blog.  I have decided to use reverse psychology.  I have decided to start my year, as my typical year usually ends.  I have determined that it is entirely more realistic for me to continue on my excessive patterns of eating and drinking at will, slotherly exercise routines that wax and wane with the moons cycles and lazy days of limited accomplishment and virtually no motivation to change.  If I start at the bottom and work my way back, I will avoid the rush of the fickle, physical enthusiasts, that storm the gym like an army of ants attacking a bread crumb that lies within their venerated domain, swarming and gathering in mass numbers, all to receive their piece of the prize.  While the ambitious congregate, I will be weening myself off the excesses of chocolate and alcohol I have established as part of my daily diet.  My routine will be easier to break if I am not forced to go cold turkey, after building up a tolerance most drunks and obese would struggle to attain. My body will not be thrown into a detox that instills cold sweats and the shakes from the sudden withdrawal of sugar and hops.  I will allow a more gentler transition from my over indulgence to my more tempered restraint.  By the time the masses have tired of their ambitious and restrictive goals, I will be ready to turn the keg in for a kettle ball.  I will be ready to set goals and actually work toward accomplishment, rather than rolling over and sleeping in for the seventh day in a row.  I will be tackling the mountain while everyone else is sliding down.  I will end my year better that I started it and everyone else will be so far gone, they'll need a Sherpa to get them back on track.
Now this is a resolution I can definitely handle.  Starting the New Year, bringing up the rear...Bottoms Up!!!